This is my shed. Home to a few muddy tools, a packet of baby wipes, loads of plastic bottles that ‘might come in handy’ and an even larger collection of wildlife. Look away now if you hate mess.
The roof leaks, the gutter’s falling off, the windows are broken, the door doesn’t shut and parts of the wood are rotting. It’s basically uninhabitable. Unless you happen to be a mouse or a spider, in which case it appears to be quite desirable.
I can’t even stores seeds in there, because last time I did that, the mice gnawed through the plastic take-away containers they were in and ate them. Not sure if they were hoping for chow mein, but they polished off all my beans and peas and anything else they could get their teeth into.
I inherited the shed when I took on my allotment five years ago and it’s what’s known in horticultural terms as a disgrace. Which is why I really, really, really need another one.
There are a lot of sheds on the allotment. Many of them live up to the Arthur Fowler stereotype of musty, cobwebby old hideouts. This is fine if you just want somewhere to store potatoes and smoke a fag (not that I’m advocating that of course. The fag that is. Potatoes are ok.)
What I’d really love is not just a shed, but a she shed. A SHEd. It’s time for sheds to throw off their blokey image and embrace their feminine side. All four sides. And the doors, windows and single felt roof too.
What I want is a she shed that oozes warmth and femininity. I’d furnish the inside with soft furnishings, a comfy chair and some trendy Scandi cushions. And of course, a kettle. Electricity could be an issue, but that’s what camping stoves are for. Who needs to go camping when you can enjoy nature from the comfort of your own shed? I’d paint the outside a soft green colour and surround it with hanging baskets and containers, filled with flowers and strawberries.
My she shed would be a place where I could escape from a house overrun by kids and pushchairs, toys and noise. Never ending NOISE. My she shed would be a little oasis of peace and calm. A place where I could sit in a comfy chair and just chill. Who knows, I may even take up Mindfulness or something. Or more likely, just enjoy a Kit Kat chunky (now that Lent is finally over. )
I’d keep a small corner for tools (I don’t have many, but they have to go somewhere.) But the rest of my perfect she shed would be a haven of tranquillity. A place to read, write and watch the plants grow.
Unfortunately, unless Father Christmas decides to put in an unseasonal appearance, none of this is likely to happen. Which is why I’m entering this fantastic competition at Beast Sheds to win a gorgeous 5 x 4 Pent shed with double doors, front and back windows, and slanted roof. And here she is, just waiting to be shown some love: