The Rabbit Who Came to Play

Once there were three children called J, D and A. They were at home with their Mummy, who was wondering how she could entertain them for the whole of half term without needing to take out a bank loan.

Nobody wanted to help with the weeding.

Suddenly there was a noise at the door.

J, D and A’s mummy said, “I wonder who that can be.

It can’t be the milkman because nobody has one of those these days.

And it can’t be the boy from the grocer because he now works in Tesco.

And it can’t be Daddy because he’s at work.

We’d better open the door and see.”

J, D and A opened the door and in hopped a tiny, furry, fluffy bunny rabbit.

“Shit!” said Mummy, who thought it was a mouse.

“Mummy said a 20p word,” chorused the kids.”It’s a rabbit!” squealed D. ”It’s soooo cute!”

“Yessss!” said A, ”I’ve always wanted a rabbit!”

“We’re not keeping it,” said Mummy.

Then the dog lunged at its face.

Mummy swooped down and rescued the poor little bunny before the dog could rip it in half. ”Get lost!” said Mummy, protectively.  She shut the bloody dog outside.

Then Mummy, J, D and A took turns to cuddle the baby rabbit on the sofa.

Even Mummy had to admit the little parasite was disarmingly cute, when it wasn’t polishing off a row of seedlings.

“What noise does a rabbit make?” asked A.

“They don’t really make a noise,” said Mummy.

“What shall we call it?” said D.

“George,” said A.

“Jack,” said D.

“How do you know it’s a boy?” said J.

D turned it upside down, pulled its tail, and said, “it’s got a willy!”  But no-one was quite sure.

“What noise does a rabbit make?” asked A.

Just then a small black dot leapt off the rabbit and onto the sofa.

“Gross! It’s got fleas!” said J.

“What noise does a rabbit make?” asked A.

“They don’t,” replied Mummy.

“Can humans catch fleas?” asked J.

“What noise does a rabbit make?” asked A.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” muttered Mummy.

D and A played vets with the rabbit. D listened to its heart and took its temperature, and A stuck a plastic thing in its ear.

The rabbit didn’t seem to mind.

“We are keeping it, aren’t we?” said D.

“I don’t know,” said Mummy.

“It’s got a home now,” said D.

Mummy said nothing.

D and A wrapped the rabbit in a blanket and pushed it round in the doll’s pushchair.

Then they decided to take it outside into the garden. D thought it would like to eat some grass. What a twat. The rabbit bolted for the nearest bramble bush.

D burst into tears. So did A.   J didn’t. He was 10 and preferred Lego.

“I think it’s gone now,” said Mummy.

“It can’t have,” sobbed D. “I love it.”

J wandered over to the bramble bush. “Hello, bunny,” he said.

Mummy, D and A rushed over. And there was the rabbit sitting beneath an umbrella of thorns.

Mummy stuck her arm into the extremely prickly bastard bush and retrieved the rabbit. Her arm was bleeding but at least the rabbit was ok and D had stopped crying.

D and A decided it would be better to keep the rabbit indoors. They stroked it, read it stories and sang happy birthday to it.

“It’s my turn to hold it now,” said Mummy.

“That means we’re keeping it, doesn’t it?” said D.

“Maybe,” said Mummy.

She sent Daddy a text.   Let’s not mention his reply.

“Tosser,” thought Mummy.

Later, Daddy came home. He agreed it was a nice little rabbit. But he explained to D and A that if they really loved it, it would be kinder to let it go home. It was probably missing its family.

And D did her brave smile, the one where she wants to cry, but is trying to be grown up.

And Daddy said if she really, really wanted a rabbit we would think about getting one – a pet one, not a wild one that might have Myxomatosis.

“What’s that? Can humans catch it?” asked J.

After supper, Daddy, D and A took the rabbit to the bottom of the garden so they could let it go.  And it hopped happily away.

Mummy stayed in the kitchen. She had something in her eye.

Disclaimer: apologies to Judith Kerr (we love the original.)

About Becky Dickinson

Mum of three. Writer, blogger, grower. Trying to keep my head above the compost heap.

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  1. Catherine says:

    Thank you, this made me laugh. And shudder. The fleas. I don’t like my nature to have its own nature!

  2. Made me laugh, you are a lot more patient than me i’d have chased it out, especially when the flea jumped, too many cat memories of those

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