The Very Annoying Slug (with apologies to Eric Carle.)

In the light of the moon, a little egg lay in the ground. One Sunday morning the rain came down - and  pop! - out of the ground came a fat and very greedy slug (and about three thousand of his relatives.) He started to look for some food. On Monday he ate through one row of  Cos lettuces. But he was still hungry. On … [Read more...]

Letter from the heart

Dear A, I'm sorry we haven't seen each other for so long. I know we've had our differences but I don't want it to end this way. It's not you, it's me. Sometimes things just come between us - you know; time, work, kids, weather. I just want you to know I still care about you and I still want you to be part of my life. It's not … [Read more...]

Unhusband vs cats

Unhusband hates cats as much as I hate slugs. He also hates coriander, but that's just weird. Or as he claims, Italian. Unhusband would like to eradicate cats from the planet. I'd just like them reclassified as a garden pest on account of their wanton use of my borders and raised beds as a latrine. It's compost, not cat … [Read more...]

The wrong kind of mushrooms

If there’s one thing I’ve consistently failed to grow, it’s mushrooms. Except on my foot.   I’ve never managed to germinate so much a single spore from those grow-your-own mushroom kits.  But when it comes to fungal nail infections, I’m quite a pro.  So much so, that I decided to flash my festering foot on live TV.   Well, it … [Read more...]

Listography: top 5 truths according to women

I’ve never done one of these Linky things before, but hey, there’s always a first. So when prompted to consider what being a woman has taught me, I came up with the following. Naturally, fannies came into it quite a bit. 1. It takes nine months to grow a baby, and nine months to lose the weight afterwards. Bollocks. You will … [Read more...]